I suppose that headline sounds a little harsh, but screw it. I got a point to make and, by god, I aims to make it.
My wife, Chryse, and I were talking about this just this morning. Why is it that some people have such great relationships (like we do, booyaa!), while others can’t seem to find a good relationship if slapped them in the face? Well, OK, that might be the first sign of trouble, but you get my meaning.
We were talking specifically about romantic relationships, but I think this applies to any type of interpersonal relationships as well. Friends, family, whatever. Is it just luck? Timing? An aligning of the stars? Kismet?
I think that the root of the problem (or success) is that you get what you give. So, in other words, if you have a good positive attitude, then you will attract good positive people back to you. And conversely if you give out a lot of negativity, then you’ll get negativity back. And, by the way, I’m not talking about some kooky, mystical super power that causes this. I’m talking about things I see every day.
Think about it. How much time do you really want to spend around someone who’s moping around all of the time and talking about how terrible their life is? I’m guessing… not that much. But if you have a friend who’s always in a good mood and having a good time, and joking around, or whatever it is, then don’t you prefer their company? I know it sounds obvious, but it seems to go over a lot of heads. Especially when I hear someone complain about their significant other, or about not having a significant other in the first place.
Romantic relationships are pretty similar to any other type of relationship you could have, but people don’t often view it that way.
They think they need to act differently around their husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend than they do around their friends, which is awfully strange if you think about it. You’re essentially creating a separate persona that you have to maintain every time that person is around. Who the hell wants to do that?
I’d imagine that leads to a lot of frustration in the long run, and most likely a break up or an unhappy situation. And then more negativity. And then more bad relationships. And so on. Some people live off of negativity. They’ll even cause things to go wrong intentionally (maybe without knowing it) so that they can have something to complain about. And feel justified in doing it, because who’s really going to tell you that you’re being a big cry baby when something bad just happened to you?
Actually, I am. Especially when you say that you want good things in your life. I know that I’ve gone through my share of feeling lousy in the past. And I’ve certainly had my share of bad things happen to me, and perhaps I felt justified in my negativity at the time, but I can guarantee you that no one wanted to date me way back then. I have the empty dance card to prove it.
And once I finally grew up and cleared my head out, and decided to be normal (not special, mind you, just normal), and, oh I don’t know, let’s call it “positive”, then maybe I’d have a date every now and then. And I can guarantee you that I would not be with my wife right now if I hadn’t learned that lesson in time.
So it’s understandable when I see it in others, but also a little baffling. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard someone say something along the lines of, “I’m a magnet for jerks”, and then thought to myself, “Well, yeah, you probably are.”
Now, I’m not trying to tell you that you should never feel down. Of course you’re going to have those moments. I’m just saying don’t let them take over your life. And for the record, you’re much better off being single than in a bad relationship. You probably already knew that, but I felt like it needed to be said. Just in case.
The bottom line is, if you want a good, strong, healthy, positive relationship then you need to start by being positive yourself, and then seek out someone positive to be with. Don’t settle for less. You’ll get back what you give out.